Updated: Sep 24, 2022
In Tango Move 4, we process the encounter with both the sharer and the recipient
In simpler terms, we want to explore, with both the sharer and the recipient, how they experienced this new/more vulnerable interaction
We ask questions like:
"What was it like to share/risk/ show your heart/confide?"
"What was it like to hear/How did this message land/touch your heart?"
recipe for tango move 4 (From Brubacher and Lee, 2019)
Check-in with sharer- What was it like to share? (Replay moment of contact and core message)
**Validate and or heighten sharer’s experience (if the recipient is not able to provide a safe response, our job is to be the temporary safe attachment figure)
Check-in with the recipient- What was it like to hear? (Replay moment of contact and core message)
Foster a connecting response/validate mistrust or hesitancy in the context of the cycle
** A common question is who should we check-in with first, the sharer or the recipient?
When asked this question, different EFT trainers provide different answers. The best answer is that we should use our clinical judgment based on what we think will help facilitate a moment of connection and what will protect the risk-taker if we anticipate that the listener is not receptive.
EFT trainer George Faller’s traffic light guide to encounters
Type of response | Recipient is | Therapist task |
Green light | A.R.E. (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged) | Reflect, heighten, and celebrate new way of risking and Responding |
Orange light | Responsive + showing mistrust/defensiveness | Validate the mistrust Focus on responsiveness/ longing to connect |
Red light |