Updated: Aug 5, 2022
In simpler language: What is happening?
In Tango move 1 we:
REFLECT what is happening right now between the partners and within each partner
This is where we begin reflecting the negative cycle of interaction by identifying triggers/vulnerabilities and coping strategies
VALIDATE coping strategies/action tendencies/moves by using an attachment frame.
recipe for tango move 1
Reflect within and identify a vulnerability
Segue to move 2
Maria, the more time Jonathan spends at work (trigger), the more alone and unimportant you feel. Right here you find yourself feeling angry and raising your voice (coping) as you try to express how hard his absence feels to you (attachment frame). Jonathan, the angrier Maria gets (trigger), the more you shut down (coping) and the easier it feels to stay at work longer (coping) to avoid another argument with the person you love (attachment frame).
Maria, this loneliness is “killing you” as you put it earlier. You tell yourself that you are not as important to Jonathan as he is to you (vulnerability) and then of course you get angry and protest (coping)—that’s so painful (validate).
3. Segue to move 2:
Maria, would it be ok to stay right here, in this place where you believe Jonathan does not really care about you?