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TANGO MOVE 1 - Reflect and mirror present process

Updated: Aug 5, 2022

In simpler language: What is happening?

In Tango move 1 we:

  • REFLECT what is happening right now between the partners and within each partner

  • This is where we begin reflecting the negative cycle of interaction by identifying triggers/vulnerabilities and coping strategies

  • VALIDATE coping strategies/action tendencies/moves by using an attachment frame.


recipe for tango move 1

  1. Reflect between

  2. Reflect within and identify a vulnerability

  3. Segue to move 2

1. between:

Maria, the more time Jonathan spends at work (trigger), the more alone and unimportant you feel. Right here you find yourself feeling angry and raising your voice (coping) as you try to express how hard his absence feels to you (attachment frame). Jonathan, the angrier Maria gets (trigger), the more you shut down (coping) and the easier it feels to stay at work longer (coping) to avoid another argument with the person you love (attachment frame).

2. within:

Maria, this loneliness is “killing you” as you put it earlier. You tell yourself that you are not as important to Jonathan as he is to you (vulnerability) and then of course you get angry and protest (coping)—that’s so painful (validate).

3. Segue to move 2:

Maria, would it be ok to stay right here, in this place where you believe Jonathan does not really care about you?

In move 2 we use affect assembly to explore a trigger/vulnerability identified in move 1
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